Life Hacks On The Cusp Of 40
By: Monica Rai Silver
There it looms on the not-so-distant horizon; the number I never thought I’d actually reach. Because 40 was so impossibly old, yo! And yet, here I am, about to cross the divide. It makes me think about what 40 was for my Mother through the eyes of my memories; a 4th of July party on some Boston beach, salt and sun and fun. Suddenly, someone (a man, #obvs) thought it’d be a good birthday present to smash a pie in my Mother’s newly minted 40-year-old face, and I’ll never forget it. She took off after him like a freshly greased cannon, BAM! smoke singeing her clothes as she barreled after the shocked and terrified dude. Whipped cream flew from her face as she chased the perpetrator around the house while we all stood, jaws agape, and then howled with laughter until our sides ached. Damn, my mom could RUN! She, like, wasn’t old AT ALL. Suddenly, I saw her through new eyes. Opened eyes. My mama was fierce, strong, and by the look on that man’s face – absolutely, positively all-powerful. It brings a slow, sensual grin to my face as I think of crossing that line to join her and all the other women who have traversed it, too. Suddenly, it felt like 40 was earned, a milestone to respect – not a travesty to lie about (can we please give up the “29 forever!” mantra? I AM SO GLAD I’LL NEVER HAVE TO REPEAT MY 20s! Be PROUD of your age, people!) and certainly not the death sentence I’d heard others bemoan. A brand new starting line because you’re an entirely different person than who you used to be. “Over the hill?” Nope. #Antiquated and #OutEffingDated. More like, “Move over, world – I’VE FINALLY ARRIVED.”
I was 14 when my Mother turned 40. My own journey to the edge of my 4th decade has been quite different. My first (and as of yet) only child just turned 8 months old. I’ve been married, divorced, and married again. I’ve been unemployed, a rip-roaring-corporate-sass-princess and hospitalized for a mental and physical break(open). I’ve felt all the feelings, refused to feel any of them, and been in therapy (gratefully) for over a decade. I’ve been on meds, off them, got 2 tattoos (with plans for a celebratory half-sleeve on my 40th birthday), and still cry when Little Foot’s mother dies. I’m human and learning to love my imperfections and grace of evolving out of old skins and into new ones with all the self-love I can muster. So, if you’ve been dreading this occasion, let me offer some things I recommend for #LivingSoFull on the cusp of 40 (and beyond!):
1. LEAN INTO CARING LESS about what other’s think. What is it that’s said? “What people think about you ain’t none of your business.” Yup. About this time, you might start to feel the “I’m freaking DONE with it!” vibe – follow it. It leads you more deeply to yourself. The start of being really you. Less snarled up in the drama and ties and bindings of family, flames, old friends, co-workers, even strangers. Reclaim all that power you give away to trying to analyze or impress or get what you think you can’t live without. Then give it to yourself. Imagine all that energy you’ll have to do more living on your terms!
2. YOU’LL NEVER BE READY. I’ve learned that no matter what I think about something – when it happens (either in or out of my control) – that’s what means I’m ready for it. Even if it’s the experiencing of it that then makes me ready. Ha! But very true. I’ll never be “ready” to become a parent, bury a friend, start a business, suffer through illness, buy a house, have a miscarriage, end a marriage, or willingly embrace all my feelings. While preparation will forever be pertinent – surrender to what is will almost always trump it. The funny thing is…I’m finally starting to let go a bit more and find some faith in the process. There really is freedom in trusting the unknown, because – we’ve survived everything so far. Not gonna snub my nose at that perk of lengthy experience! So really, what’s one more adventure? Spontaneity ain’t dead after your 20’s! 🙂
3. THERE ARE NO HACKS FOR THINGS THAT REALLY MATTER. You have to put in the work. It’s going to be a hard, long process for anything you want to truly last or that will eventually yield dividends (and not just the financial kind – like relationships. career. self-growth.) But by this point, I’ve practiced enough “instant gratification” (Amazon 1-day, IKEA, starvation diet, anyone else?) to know that the cheap shit breaks, y’all. All kinds. And it’s time to invest in some solid pieces that won’t break every year. Quality requires an equal exchange of value – and I’m finally believing I’m worth the upleveling. For my home, my mind, my body, my heart, my spirit, my mothering, and my relationships. Time to become a long-term investor in the best version of myself. Because that’s the version that every loved one gets, and ultimately – the world.
Mama? I run with you. I want to cross that year 40 line running like my heels are smokin’, like my heart is on fire, like I’ve got something to chase so hard and so fast and with so much power that I can’t be bothered to stop and wipe the pie off my face. Who cares who sees it, who cares who judges – I’ve got life to live. And none of the encroaching aches and pains and wrinkles of aging will stop me. Thanks for showing me how it’s done. #AgeBoldly
p.s. Mom, remember those high-waisted mom jeans you rocked back in the 80’s? They’re back in style. Just like you said they’d be. #66AndStillOnTrend <3
“Never fear getting older, it is a privilege denied to many.” -Wisdom from Nestea bottle caps
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